Are you tired of how your life turned out, stuck in the same loop?
You wish your life was different. You wish you had the life of your dreams.
Is your life looking dull, grey, and lacking colour?
You look at your life and wish it was more exciting…
The default is boring. Most people live this way. But it doesn’t have to be.
You’re just too comfortable…
Most People Live in Their Comfort Zones
Everybody lives in one. You’re doing it right now and you don’t even realize it.
We like to sit in our favourite chairs, eat the same food, go to the same places, and take the same way to work.
We run from anything uncomfortable.
When the shower is too cold, we crank up the heat until we feel GOOD.
Whenever we experience discomfort we run right back to our comfort zones.
We eat the same food every week like Taco Tuesdays & Fish Fridays and do the same things every day/week allowing the days to blend.
Then we wonder where the time went. The days, months, and years speed up and escape us.
This leaves our lives mundane.
They say that variety is the spice of life.
You need to understand what and why this is because it’s happening right under your nose!
It’s Not Your Fault, Because it’s in our DNA.
Your DNA likes the comfort zone.
Leaving our comfort zone or doing anything new makes our brain release chemicals that give us feelings of fear, doubt, anxiety, and worry.
This can make us feel sick to our stomach but these negative feelings don’t come to us on purpose.
The truth is without them, none of us would have made it this far. We would have died off thousands of years ago.
We evolved because we have a (psycho-cybernetic) survival mechanism.
Many, many years ago stepping out of our comfort zone could have meant certain death. If we weren’t afraid of walking into the forest alone at night the chances were high we’d get eaten by a predator.
So in a nutshell, staying in our comfort zone meant NOT DYING.
But now the chances of us getting eaten alive by wild animals aren’t likely.
So instead, we worry about our status on social media and we care about what other people think of us.
We don’t like getting negative comments or being unliked by others when we act in ways people don’t want.
We fear rejection and loneliness.
Just know this is normal. When you feel anxiety you can face it. You won’t die from leaving your comfort zone or facing your fears.
Here’s a tip: Look up ‘exposure therapy’ if you need tips on facing fear.
Never run from your anxiety because it’s a good thing!
We live in a society that runs from anxiety and pain it all costs!
We live in a world that pushes anti-anxiety remedies & feel-good things on us to cope with these “problems”. But it just allows us to run and ignore our built-in warning signals.
Leaving us trapped in comfortable environments.
But we were designed to handle anxiety and built to do something about it.
There’s a reason we get these feelings but we need to change the situation through positive action.
All the anxiety is trying to say is: “This is a warning. Are you sure you want to do this? This could be risky and dangerous.“
Our brain existed and evolved to keep us alive, not to make us happy.
It’s a survival mechanism but it doesn’t know the difference between a predator and a scary social encounter.
Our brain wants us alive, it doesn’t care about growth. So we need to step out of our comfort zones and experience anxiety so that we can grow.
If going out into the unknown forest meant danger how could early humans hunt or gather food without leaving the safety of home? Never. They had to go out and get food even though they were scared.
Without risk, there is no reward! If you don’t try new things you won’t grow, and you won’t experience any satisfaction or real enjoyment. You’ll continue feeling empty.
This takes me to YOU.
Do you know your purpose in life?
Everyone else seems to know what they want/what they’re good at.
The people around you seem to be working on businesses making money, landing their dream jobs, or even going viral online.
I have friends who are successful video game designers, police officers, business owners, and even published authors.
I used to look at them and think “Wow! They have such a cool job. They are so lucky. I wish I could be like that!”
But these thoughts are self-sabotaging. They remind you of other people’s success and you’re over here feeling behind because you’re not where you should be.
You don’t know what makes you tick and time is running out. Life is hard to figure out and they don’t really teach you how to make money doing what you enjoy. Instead, they say, you need to make money NOW because there are bills to pay! And when they start coming they don’t stop.
You want to wake up and do something that excites you instead of eat, sleep & work somewhere you hate.
Well here’s a hint.
“Behind every fear is a person you want to be. Fear is self-imposed, meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it. You can destroy it too. You face your fear and you become the person you want to be. You run from your fears, you’re not living…”
– Greg Plitt
You grow through pain and resistance.
It’s a choice to move through whatever’s in the way.
Maybe it’s your fear or your procrastination. But when you do something even though every urge in your body and mind tells you to chill out, that’s when you improve.
We need to move past our comfort zone for growth & excitement in life.
When I first started working out I didn’t want to do it. It sucked. My body ached, every single movement felt wrong! I remember doing my first deadlift, my body kept telling me, “This isn’t normal stop!” But moving past the discomfort is how I built muscle and made progress. Eventually, I got used to it and it felt normal and natural. Then before I knew it I wanted to work out more and more – until every time I thought about it I got excited.
When we let go of fears our TRUE self comes out. You connect better with people, you’ll have more fun, and feel free! You might even be a cooler version of YOU.
But it won’t happen until we make that choice.
I used to be shy. I used to be very self-conscious and constantly tear myself down with the stories I used to tell myself. I used to think nobody cared about what I had to say and that I wasn’t good enough. So I would stutter in conversations, and then people wouldn’t listen.
A new fear was created.
The fear of socializing.
I knew I had to face my fear ASAP, or this new monster would get stronger and stronger until it had me completely running for the hills in fear.
This anti-social behavior became a comfort zone and it was growing bigger.
I came up with a plan. I had to get the ball rolling.
I decided to go to the mall.
I went to every store and started conversations like my life depended on it.
I was scared, but I knew the employees HAD to talk to me. They were getting paid to talk to me. So I couldn’t be rejected. Not only that but most of the time they were bored out of their mind.
The ‘dead’ stores stores were even better. I knew they would be dying for entertainment because nobody was shopping. And I would be the solution.
With every new person I spoke to, I got better results. People actually seemed interested in talking to me. I took those positive experiences and kept building on them.
After every new positive experience, I felt stronger. I began to rehearse my conversations. With each new person, I tweaked something until I got it right. I finally crushed my fear, but now it was addicting. A thrill and adrenaline rush that I couldn’t get enough of.
I conquered my fear of speaking to people and took the head-on approach. There was nothing to be afraid of.
Whenever you try a new skill, remember you WILL mess up. You might mess up 10 times before you get it right. It’s part of the process. All the successful people you look up to were once a complete failure. They were a mess! And that didn’t stop them. They kept going and trying until they found out what worked.
Every master was once a DISASTER
LIFE RULE:
Until the day I die, I’d rather live trying new and scary things and fail at them miserably than live my life thinking “What if…” and living with regret knowing I could have succeeded.
– Jamie Baky, Original Quote
Successful people take risks. There’s a whole world to see when we take a step outside.
When it doesn’t go well, move on. You did it so don’t think about it. Keep going! There are millions of people in the world who sit on the couch. But you didn’t.
Magic Happens
Before you start something new think positive and feel good about it. We learn from positive experiences but also from the negative ones. If you go into this feeling good you’re more likely to have a positive experience that will propel your results. Negative experiences can stop us by reminding us something bad can happen.
I can’t guarantee you’ll have a positive result and things will go right or turn out the way you wanted because they might go horribly wrong but you’ll grow!
Jamie’s Rule for Life:
Anytime you start something new you must, must, must, go into it excited already thinking and feeling like it’s gone right. You will boost your chances of success by 100x.
I learned this in high school after reading a Wiki-How article on homework. I lacked motivation and struggled to get my assignments done. These subjects completely bored me until I read that article. They suggested pretending my homework was fun & interesting. And well, to my surprise, they were right! That’s what happened. It turns out I did well on those assignments. Who knew?
When you think something isn’t going to work out from the start you think “What’s the point of trying if I’m already going to fail? There’s no point. So then you won’t try and you flop. You self-sabotage and drive yourself towards the outcome of FAILURE.
The 80/20 Rule:
When you believe in a positive outcome, 8 times out of 10 you will succeed. The rest of the time you fail because of shitty circumstances or something else just not working out IN THIS MOMENT OF TIME. And you won’t have any control over it so try the same thing again another time SOON. (I say soon because you don’t want to lose that momentum and give up.)
When you take risks, there’s a chance it goes right. That’s when the magic happens. Facing your fear and succeeding gives you a feeling of euphoria you wouldn’t believe. (There’s a reason why people love watching scary movies.)
The old me used to live with this crushing anxiety. It was this nagging, regretful, weight on my shoulders. My legs would literally feel heavy as well- no joke. But it never went away until I challenged it and won.
Do you know what happened?
I was rewarded.
The success and euphoria felt amazing and I felt a feeling of being COMPLETE!
The key is you have to keep doing it! Just like weight training, when you stop working out you become weak.
I forget how to form good sentences when I stop socializing for too long. I feel like an artist just learning how to paint.
Outside your comfort zone is where you’ll find YOU and your success. Never stop doing what you’re afraid of. EVER.
When you take risks, you push boundaries. When you lose you gain valuable experience. Some people pay good money for this but you just got it for free. When we back down and let it overcome us we lose out on huge opportunities.
What I can say for sure is…
Every great, and every life-changing event that has ever happened has come when I was pushed out of my comfort zone.
From being uncomfortable.
But that could never happen if I always played it safe.
When you live in the unknown, you live in a natural state of flow. Anything can happen. A state where you let go of all planning and just let go.
It’s freedom.
Let whatever happens, happen. You will find excitement and magic. And nothing ever goes wrong because all expectations are out the window. No more disappointment when things don’t go as planned. A place where real memories happen.
So, moving forward I challenge you to leave your comfort zone and try something that scares you.
Ask the server what their favourite menu item is next time you’re at a restaurant and order that. You might not like it, or you might find you discovered a masterpiece you’d never otherwise eat in a lifetime!
Your friend,
Jamie
